Everyone deals with things in their own unique way, one which is conducive to their individual healing process – whether it be a farewell to friend who is leaving town, or someone who has passed.
Today I strangely sit with both – along with a feeling of not being able to breath, as well as an overwhelming sense of nausea.
I like to believe with funerals though that, although the body dies and falls to dust – the spirit and soul transfer, until you have reached the highest plain of consciousness and have learnt all that could be learnt from your time here, from those who are important to you and through making mistakes and learning from them – you will cross over to Nirvana, or wherever that plain of ‘higher consciousness’ is, or whatever it is to you. Saying farewell to someone leaving town is nevertheless, just as disconcerting. However the advantages to a mere farewell, are that you are able to see that person again, you can simply pick up the phone if you need to chat and you have a place to stay should you ever venture into their neighborhood!
My friend, having tragically lost her sister to a still ‘unknown’ bacteria/virus is really not doing very well. Her sister, who after having fought strong for more than 7 weeks and who on the Thursday afternoon, ready to return home – had yet one more visit to make to the hospital for a final blood test, prior to departure. However, upon inspection – a ‘level’ of some or other was excessively high and way over what it should have been and at the doctors insistence she was readmitted, but only to monitor and drop the levels, at which point she could leave and be home free. However… after admission on the Friday afternoon, she had fallen into a coma by Saturday evening and by Sunday was being ravaged by gradual organ failure – and during the early hours of the Monday morning she departed her earthly vessel and joined rank amongst the angels.
My friend. How broken she was and still is. The unfortunate thing about death, is that as humans and due to our apologetic and sympathetic natures (in most instances), wish only to convey a feeling of understanding which we believe to be empathy. But to know a loss of your own certainly does not translate into the understanding of the loss of another. I hate when people say to the bereaved, “i’m so sorry”… > you didn’t kill that person, weren’t responsible for their death and had no hand in their malady or suffering? Fact is – there is nothing you can say to someone who has lost a loved one. NOTHING. They need to think about the situation, sift through the emotion and influx of everything, as well as deal with the circumstances… ON THEIR OWN.
YOUR grieving may last all of 2 days, whereas others’ never entirely recover and are haunted by the loss for the rest of their days. It is your job to stay as you are. To smile and laugh and hug and kiss that person as you always have, so that they can lose focus of death and loss – by continuing to focus on life, it is only then that they will be able to bring to light that it does [life] go on. That just because you’re happy and laughing, enjoying a sunset or going out for an evening with friends, that the ‘departed’ is/are of any less importance or that you’ve forgotten about them in any way?!? It is only by/through ‘getting on with life’ or believing that ‘life goes on’, where we are able to forget about the bad and remember the good – it is only through this that our pain becomes somewhat more bearable and the loss somewhat more tolerable.
“If tomorrow starts without me and I am not there to see, if the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn’t cry, the way you did today, while thinking of the many things, we didn’t get to say.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while, I would say goodbye and kiss you, and hope to see you smile. But then I fully realised that this could never be, for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.” – Unknown
Just be that unwavering friend or family member. Soften the heartache with hugs, kisses and laughs 🙂
If you have lost someone dear to you, and if it was recently – just know that their memory will never fade and even years after having departed their earthly body, the smile on their face and vividness and sparkle of their living eyes will forever be emblazoned in your mind and you will be left with only the joy they brought you, laughs they initiated and the great times had. As agonizing as the pain is now, just know that the cruelty of its razor edge will ease – and in time you too will smile and laugh again.